Dreams | Girl Meets Paper

Archive for dreams – Page 2

Lessons from Ellis Island

By Jane · Comments (2)

Tuesday, October 11th, 2011

Walking up the long sidewalk and under the breezeway to the grand old doors of Ellis Island, my footsteps joined the centuries-old line of dreamers who longed to be a part of this country.

Inside I gazed at weathered photos creased with age and wondered about their stories; I examined the satchels and trunks and the blank looks of hopeful confusion that still accompany new beginnings.

They were so brave–each one that poured into the melting pot of the millions leaving behind home and field, waving goodbye to family and friends. With screaming children and empty bellies they carried all they owned. They traveled with meager possessions and readied themselves for hard work in harsh living conditions.

For many, the dream came at a high price.

For some, not at all.

Turning a corner into a new exhibition hall, I was struck by this testimony of a young girl:

My thoughts ranged from, “Wow–she was brave to stand up to those processing her immigration!”…to…”Really?! All you ask of a girl is whether she can wash stairs??”

I hope that things are different for the girls we’re raising.

Do we work to ingrain a healthy recognition of gender differences without coddling girls? Do we expect great things from our sons and our daughters? Does your child’s teacher? Does our nation?

The truth is, according to one fascinating study, we may have so pushed back against “stair washing,” that we’ve begun to actually shortchange our boys, with potentially devastating consequences.

Could this be our future?

Future fathers who can’t provide for their families
Husbands who are not equal counterparts for their wives
A weakened workforce
A nation ill-equipped to compete globally

This, of course, raises a myriad of other issues [like will there even *be* jobs for our kids?]; that’s a topic for next time. In the meantime, I’m wondering how we find a balance for girls and boys, men and women. I’m wondering how we balance and equally value the kind of knowledge that comes from a terrific education, and the kind of knowledge that only comes from getting your hands dirty.

Or at least sticking them in a bucket of sudsy water to scrub the stairs.

Comments (2)

Categories : Deep Thoughts, dreams, Education, Family, Home, Travel, Uncategorized, Vacation

Tags : Ellis Island, Immigrant Families, Immigrants, New York City

Water in My Hands

By Jane · Comments (1)

Tuesday, September 6th, 2011

Last night I had a vivid dream that I was back on campus, beginning another year of college. My roommate of four years was there, beautiful as ever, unchanged in a dream world stretching across a decade and more.

I recognized the room as the one which tethered our junior and senior years. I re-lived that fluttering in the pit of my stomach–the one that accompanies such things as higher learning and leaving home and crossing your fingers for luck.

A piece of my heart, on the right.

Today I feel that fluttering for my own kids, my youngest in particular.

This morning he started kindergarten. He is a shiny penny, an untapped well, an unwrinkled garment. He can’t wait to read without mom helping. He can’t wait to use his new lunchbox. He can’t wait to stand in line at the bus stop.

As I got ready today I thought back to my dream; remembered the details. I saw old friends and recalled so many moments in the room at the top of the stairs with the windows open and the blinds chiming against the sill. I realized that college, though as close as a dream, feels like another lifetime.

I pulled at the loose frays and watched the years unravel. Saw my twenty-year-old self moving about with no thought of boys in kindergarten or dreams that wake a thirty-five year old woman.

I am the same, yet a pillar of salt: turning and gazing to the past that has slipped from my fingers like water.

Today is a day for neither rejoicing or mourning. It is a day for making my way through the puddles, jumping in that clear sea, and swimming in the water while memories bathe me.

Comments (1)

Categories : Deep Thoughts, dreams, Education, Family, Kids in School, Matters of the Heart, Motherhood/Mommy Duties, Seasons of Life, Uncategorized

Tags : back-to-school, college, dreams, Hope College, kids in school, kindergarten, memories

Goodbye Diapers, Hello Smartphone?

By Jane · Comments (4)

Thursday, July 21st, 2011

2 yrs ago: squeezes at Red Robin

For the past nine years—nine years—I have willingly and joyfully chosen to be a stay at home mom.

[Useless Fact: I italicized that because it always makes me think of Ferris Bueller's principle when I have to say nine years or "nine times"].

With our children quickly sprouting longer limbs and brains that are characteristic of elementary school students, I am beginning to see that while I’ll never be done being a mom, my role is transitioning.

Some of you with older children know what I mean. I thought this stage of life would be so easy–no diapers, no wiping buns, no smashing vegetables into brightly colored purees.

Instead, I’ve merely traded the diapers and wiping and smashing for other things: dispelling sibling infighting, managing snack habits, and washing clothes that has seemingly been dragged through epic levels of mud or grass–and then abandoned, wet, on the floor.

It’s not easy, it’s just different. It’s a change with its own challenges, for sure, but it’s change that comes with a little more independence for mom.

This transition has ushered in a new kind of life for me. A life where I’m still the hub on the wheel, but where I can take a step back and breath a little deeper [until the fighting starts, that is]. I can take a shower without worrying that chubby fingers are grabbing bottles under a sink I forgot to childproof; sit down at the computer without fearing that someone’s going to be dismembered toppling down a flight of stairs.

Now they ride electric dirt bikes and try to launch themselves four feet into the air.

But that’s beside the point.

What I’m learning about my life and about my heart right now is that I think I’m ready to re-engage the world of adults that iron their pants and have smart phones. I think I’m ready for something of my own.

I’ve written about this before because this transition takes time. After nine years, what do I expect, right?

But it’s exciting to open the door a little, peek out into a world I’ve mostly forgotten about, and wonder what God might have in store for me.

How about you? Is transitioning away from diapers an exciting prospect? Scary? What are your dreams for the next stage of life?

Comments (4)

Categories : Discoveries, dreams, Family, Kids, Kids in School, Motherhood/Mommy Duties, Seasons of Life, Stay-At-Home-Mom/Working Mom, Uncategorized

Tags : stay home mom, stay home mom jobs, stay-at-home mom, work at home moms, work from home moms

Blow by Blow

By Jane · Comments (2)

Thursday, June 30th, 2011

Today belonged to Murphy. I guess some days just do.

Aside from the burst of light radiating from my $1 Jimmy John’s sub and a handful of other meager smiles, the afternoon and evening drenched any light in gray clouds and rain.

Disappointment does that.

Mary DeMuth’s recent blog post The Difference Between Cycnicism and Sovereignty says it so well. Sometimes the anchors around my feet just feel too heavy to hope for a buoy. Sometimes the voices in my head cannot be stilled: Maybe I should just quit fooling myself. Maybe the goal sheet needs to be re-worked, dreams tethered to a bigger slice of reality.

Remember that movie from a few years ago, Flash of Genius with Greg Kinnear? He played an inventor bent on selling his intermittent wipers to Detroit, only to be driven to the brink of insanity in the process, losing everything and seeing his family disintegrate. He was not willing to set his dream aside–not willing to rewrite his goals or examine the cost of his efforts.

I cursed him from the plush comfort of my couch, wondering why he just couldn’t see it?! Why don’t you walk away?! In truth, I was off-put by his inner drive which seemed to border on selfish desire.

Do all dreams have a few drops of selfishness mixed in?

Do some dreams need to be reconsidered?

How long do you work on that thing for which your souls longs?

And when do you hang it up and say, “Maybe not now.” ?

Comments (2)

Categories : Deep Thoughts, dreams, Growing Pains, Matters of the Heart, Seasons of Life, Things I Don't Understand Thursday, writing/work

Tags : Flash of Genius, Greg Kinnear, Jimmy John's, Mary DeMuth, Murphy, Murphy's Law, submarine sandwich

Enlarging our Tent

By Jane · Comments (3)

Saturday, June 4th, 2011

My freshman English class was holed away in a tiny shoebox of a room in one of the oldest buildings on our college campus. My professor, a kindly Maytag-Man type, had us reading more books than I probably had in my four years of high school. Our discussions were interesting in a way that seemed to open up the world a little wider; made me dream a little bigger. One of the books that I quickly filed in the “read again” category was titled Monsoon. It told the story of a young girl, spurned by her disheartening high school experience, who decided to sponsor a child. Later, on a whim, she traveled to India to find him.

The book impacted me deeply and I immediately passed it on to anyone who seemed interested enough to read it [or who was sick to death of me jawing about it]. I wondered: Could someone really go scout down one Indian child in a seemingly endless sea of humanity? Do people really do such things? Would I have dared do the same in her shoes?

Two weeks ago as I approached the checkout at my local Christian bookstore, I saw several small papers fluttering on every parcel of available cabinetry behind and around the cashier. “Teresa” beeped in my purchases and looked at me with motherly eyes that made me feel strangely cared for. I diverted my glance and focused on the papers, discovering them to hold the small faces of children waiting for sponsorship through World Vision.

Finishing up my purchase, she looked up from the register and asked the question:

“I’m just wondering if you’ve ever thought about sponsoring a child?” She soothed in her Bible-teachery voice.

In an instant, as though overcome with some sort of odd emotional pang, my eyes flooded with tears and all I could do was nod.

“Oh, hon…[motherly eyes]…well, we’ve been praying all day for this little guy—just praying that someone would take him home. Would you like to commit to Luis today?”

Luis was adorable and completely worthy of my support, of course. But out of the corner of my eye was Mayli—a little three year old from Peru, a place where I spent a portion of two of my post-Monsoon college summers.

Our sponsored child

I couldn’t deny her.

Mumbling through the lump in my throat, I pointed, barely speaking, at Mayli. Teresa continued with her sweet, “Aw, honey’s…” and I dabbed at my leaking eyes.

There are many reasons for my emotion; I’ll save them for another post. But in short, I look into the eyes of these kids and see my own. I throw the dreams of my kids on the lives of those who seem far away from dreams of any kind.

And I want more for them.

Don’t you?

If you’re interested in hearing a first-hand account of what it’s like for the child who is sponsored, I encourage you to click over HERE to read about the blogging team traveling with Compassion International. Make sure to scroll down and watch the video!

Do you currently sponsor a child? How did you decide to make the commitment?

Comments (3)

Categories : Compassion, Deep Thoughts, dreams, Family, Following Jesus, God, Heartbreak, Kids, Matters of the Heart, Social Justice, Uncategorized

Tags : Child Sponsorship, Compassion International, Peru, World Vision

Finding My Bird Nest

By Jane · Comments (3)

Wednesday, May 11th, 2011

When I turned the corner into my neighborhood, I was struck by this small little home perched high above the boulevard. Wedged safely between two wishbone-like branches, the nest was wholly visible in boughs that had not yet blossomed.

It occurred to me that in the height of summer when last those twigs held a family, it was protected by leaves, hidden in vivid green. A passer-by, unless twisting purposefully for a glance, would not have seen it. A neighbor steering a car down the road would certainly not have been afforded a clear view.

Yet, it was there the whole time.

I feel the same can be said about me and this dream to write.

For years, perhaps since I first won the Young Author’s conference in elementary school or that essay contest for a college scholarship, this desire was present but hidden in plain sight. The vivid green of life and family, the blossoming leaves of a job, and the expectations of others and myself kept it wrapped up and tucked away like the secret creature held in a chrysalis.

Today, with the introduction of this blog, I am taking a step forward to unveil it. To name what has always been. To call out the thing that was once hidden. To see clearly that which for so long has been out of view. Unnamed. Unseen.