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Why You Should Throw Your Husband A Party Tonight

By Jane · Comments (16)

Friday, March 22nd, 2013

If you’ve been married for more than a couple of weeks, I think you’ll agree that the husband-wife relationship can be compared to caring for a house plant.

I know — some of you are worried since you killed your poinsettia at Christmas, but hang with me.

House plants need to be watered regularly and pruned every once in a while. They need sunshine and dusting. Sometimes they even need the added “encouragement” that can only come from Miracle Gro.

Couldn’t the same be said of our marriages?

We all need regular watering: affection, conversation, and interest. Putting your marriage in the corner and forgetting about it will get you a wilting relationship while opening the door to bigger problems.

We also need to be pruned by those who love us most: held accountable and gently called out when we act like idiots.

We need joy! And we need “dusting.” Ladies — brush your hair and get out of your yoga pants for crying out loud. Make an effort to be the babe he married.

And of course, we all need encouragement.

So tonight, throw your husband a party when he gets home. Because celebrating him “for no reason” is the best reason of all.

Pick up the house.

Make the meal you know he loves: get out the grill and splurge on a couple of Porterhouses.

Put on some lipstick.

Enlist your kids to make signs and banners that thank him for his hard work each day.

Hit the dollar store for some balloons.

Tell him you love him.

Make him feel noticed and appreciated again, like he’s the man who took your breath away the first time you saw him.

Kiss him like you mean it.

Your efforts to honor your husband say that he is still worth celebrating.

Show him that he is still the one who makes you feel whole.

And that you’d still do it all over again …

with him.

What would it mean for your marriage to do a little more celebrating?

Comments (16)

Categories : Family, Marriage

Tags : dad ideas, Family, girl meets paper, Husband + Wife, husband and wife, ideas for dad, Jane Graham, marriage

How to Help Your Single Friend Find Her Match

By Jane · Comments (2)

Sunday, September 23rd, 2012

The moment she walked into our freshman Bible study hot off an episode of Wings and wearing bunny slippers, Lori and I have been best friends. Our small West Michigan Christian college was the perfect incubator for a relationship that has lasted nearly twenty years! During that time I’ve had the privilege of walking alongside her, over mountains of joy and through the valleys of sadness, as God worked his will and we worked to praise him through it all.

I was recently introduced to Kelly’s Korner, a blog that invites readers to “Show us Your Life” on various days. Some days might be “Show us your Window Treatments” and others ask readers to “Show us your Foyer Furniture.” That’s fun and all, but it’s not life changing.

What could be life changing was Thursday’s post: “Show us Your Singles.”

That’s right: Love connections are happening all over the country for free and I’m ready to help Lori join in the possibilities. Can you believe that linking to this blogger on “Singles” day has produced FIVE marriages??

FIVE!

Since those are better odds than putting her on The Bachelorette to have her mascara smeared on national television, or sung to by some fool in his speedo, we’re going for it! With the help of another mutual friend, we’d like to introduce…

Lori!

Yes, those eyes are blue...

Lori is 36 an enjoying life in West Michigan. For more than a decade she has worked with churches and non-profit groups, and has just recently decided to challenge herself by considering options in a new field. Lori has often said that one of her greatest joys is getting to see others work in their area of giftedness, and she is the kind of person who helps make that happen. Her love of working with people, helping others to shine, and assisting teams to become the best they can be guide her professionally and in her relationships with friends and family.

Lori is 2nd from left in pink hat

Lori has a heart for the underdog — especially when the underdog is a child. She and I co-founded a non-profit organization years ago that worked to support the needs of orphaned and vulnerable children infected with or effected by HIV/AIDS in Africa. Our work led to a one trip together and another for Lori a year later as we explored ministry opportunities across the continent. Our mutual faith and love for Christ drove our work and continue to bond our friendship even as our efforts in Africa are on the shelf.

Lor, front - center

Travel, cooking, the arts, and music are some of Lori’s other passions. I think she has nearly convinced Dr. Gary Chapman to create a 6th Love Language: weekends in New York City to see a Broadway Show and enjoy ethnic food not found near her home. We’ve seen dozens of concerts together and wish we had the rainy day funds to support more theatre productions!

And while Lori loves walking and enjoying the beauty of nature, you will not find her in a tent, washing her hair in a bucket, or filleting fish next to a river. She’ll be your biggest cheerleader in your own endeavors (such as waking up early to see me run my first 5K), but prefers to encourage with hugs and kind words over training for her own marathon. You won’t find anyone more loyal and supportive than Lori. Period!

Aside from having a solid faith walk, Lori’s ideal man would:

be gainfully employed
have his own, independent, smoke-free life
love to travel and try new things together
enjoy cultural events and be willing to dance on her birthday
be as funny as she is
be open-minded and inclusive. Racists need not apply.
NOT feel the need to press a political agenda over drinks. (Yes, it’s happened.)

If you think Lori would be a good match for you or for someone you know, please leave a comment or email me privately for contact info! (meetingpaper@gmail.com).

Wish us luck!

Comments (2)

Categories : Friends, Love, Marriage

Tags : Kelly's Corner, kellyskornerblog.com, Show Us Your Singles

What To Do When Your Spouse Works…A Lot

By Jane · Comments (11)

Thursday, March 15th, 2012

"Husband of the Year" with 2 of our 3 kids

It’s not that he’s a work-a-holic, truly.

It’s that his job as a high school principal is so demanding.

HIGH SCHOOL. Remember it?

Land of student congress activities, dances, athletic events, clubs, National Honor Society, parent-teacher conferences, professional development with teachers, staffing issues, behavior problems, graduation…

Of course then there’s CLASS, too!

We all love our husbands, honoring them as hard workers and providers, and I’m no different. And though I’m biased, clearly, I have to say that Brandon is, without a doubt, the hardest working person I know. I’m very proud of him and respect what he does all day when he’s not here pouring me cold Cokes and rubbing my shoulders. (cough)

(Here comes the “however”…)

However, I’d be lying if I said that his absence wasn’t felt acutely and if I didn’t wish for more time together. I’d be lying if I claimed it didn’t kill me to see him drive away to an indoor evening event and miss out on the gift of this spring weather.

(Another one…)

However, those feelings are balanced by the realization that his sacrifice allows me to work from home and keep our family anchored in a way that we deem important.

So, wives, what do we do when our husbands have to work…a lot?

1. Pray for him. I have to say, I am ashamed of how many times this does not occur to me! Pray for strength, wisdom in difficult decisions, and guidance, always.

2. Practice gratitude. Remember that because your husband is employed, you are afforded the life you live. If you are a stay-at-home mom, you may experience a special kind of gratitude, realizing that his work makes it possible for you to be home raising your children. If you work outside of the home, you may feel grateful for the way you partner together financially.

3. Make time to be together. It seems this would go without saying, but it takes effort! Even if your time together is take-out on the couch, setting aside an hour here and there to connect without kids is vital.

4. Map it out! Michael Hyatt had a guest post recently that resonated with me. The author encouraged us to have a mission statement for our marriage. What are we about? What are our shared values and goals? Knowing where you want to be as a couple after the kids leave the nest is crucial! (I recently heard that the #2 group most likely to divorce is the “been-married-for 20-25 years-and-the-kids-just-left” group. Yikes!!)

5. Be an encourager. Check out this article for more awesome ideas. My husband’s already thanking me for reading it!

“Finally, brothers and sisters, rejoice!…encourage one another, be of one mind, and live in peace.” from 2 Cor 13:11

How do you support your hard-working husband?

Comments (11)

Categories : Family, Finding Balance in Life, gratitude, Home, Marriage

Tags : finding balance, pray for your husband, working parents

On Sickness and Selfishness

By Jane · Comments (6)

Sunday, January 29th, 2012

Click photo for credit

Dear husband is sick.

Again.

I warned him, kindly, that this would happen. I reminded him, gently, that going to sleep after midnight and waking up at 5 am to exercise will wear down even the brightest, most hopeful enthusiast.

And while I applaud his attempts at good health, I like to ~~argue~~ point out that sleep and restful moments without an electronic device connected to one’s face may also play a part in “good health.”

To no avail.

Last weekend he occupied the sofa with a non-specific malaise. He didn’t feel “right” and I could tell. So we did our best to keep quiet, hushing our noisy lives and letting daddy rest.

Monday morning bellowed loudly, yanking him out of bed for a meeting. Then Thursday followed Wednesday followed Tuesday. And I could see the beautiful tapestry of my husband wearing thin.

So, here we are: weekend #2.

Daddy: sick again. Worse this time. Not eating…and other unmentionables.

And here I am: pouting like an entitled child that my helper is not around to help. That my partner is not partnering. I am thinking only of myself and imagine that if I were filling out a rubric, many boxes would remain unchecked — and I might even scrawl a complaint in the “comments” section.

I mentally tally my chores and note that they were done alone on a Saturday morning when we would normally work side-by-side. I field questions from the kids, play games, bake cookies, and make a fantastic dinner that two people eat. I assist in their violin practice and read several chapters from My Side of the Mountain.

And I bite my tongue that husband will exit January having spent 50% of its weekends on the couch.

But God catches me by the arm and spins me around; reminds me of all the wives who care for terminally ill husbands. Who love disabled Vets with unwavering devotion. Who sacrifice endlessly for a groom now wheelchair bound.

I realize how utterly ridiculous my feelings are, how deeply lacking in grace.

Our Lord tenderly whispers Philippians 2:3-4:

³ Do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit. Rather, in humility value others above yourselves, ⁴ not looking to your own interests but each of you to the interests of the others.

I am silenced.

Our vows swirl and echo “…in sickness…” and I am left with nothing to say.

Today was a sorry exhibition of discontentment and selfishness. I totally blew it. In my moment of honoring him and honoring Him, I whined.

Instead of praise, I chose self-pity.

Instead of contentment, I chose to be contrary.

I am thankful that Jesus does not deal with me so harshly; that he gathers me up and restores me to the Path. That he corrects my heart because he loves me.

As I am to love my husband.

Comments (6)

Categories : Chores/Duties/Jobs, Compassion, Deep Thoughts, Family, Finding Balance in Life, Illness, Marriage, Matters of the Heart, Motherhood/Mommy Duties

Tags : Philippians 2:3-4, selfish wife, sick husband, wedding vows

Happy Birthday To My Lab Partner

By Jane · Comments (7)

Saturday, January 14th, 2012

Leaving for college...

If you’re wondering why I was smiling so broadly, it’s because I had conquered yet another day of defying gravity with my hair while wearing pleated pants and a sweater in August.

Those are proud memories…

Another reason for the smile was, undoubtedly, because of that boy from my Earth Science class who I fell for when I was merely 14. [Lesson for parents: don't assume your daughter's freshman crush is meaningless!]

He was way cooler than me, a star athlete, and we had no friends in common. I never thought he’d talk to me, much less admit to liking me back. As they used to say, “we were not of the same circles“…a prerequisite for all yearbook-worthy high school couples.

But things changed when we were paired up for a rock lab: I wooed him by being nice, rocking the sweet hair, and refusing to let him cheat off my fossil worksheet. Pure teen romance, right there.

Today is Brandon’s birthday, and I’m so thankful that God moved us beyond rocks and fossils, over the bumpy patches of gravel we crossed along the way, and to this life together.

Brandon has exceeded all my imaginations about who a husband is and should be. Without question, he places others above himself, leading our family by serving others–especially his kids and wife.

He makes a point to plan fun things to do together, to be intentional with our kids and with our time, and to weave learning experiences into everyday life.

His creativity amazes me–did you know he’s a patent holder with a second patent pending?

He has the most determined and tenacious work ethic of anyone I’ve ever met. He knows his reputation lies in the efforts of his hands and the words of his mouth, and his priority is to have integrity in both.

Today at lunch one of our kids prayed, “God, thank you for daddy. I hope he has a nice life and I’m so glad he’s still alive at 36.”

Amen to that!

Honey, here’s to a “nice life” together. I’m so thankful for you, and I’m so glad you’re still alive at 36.”

Here’s to 36 more years together…

Comments (7)

Categories : Family, Home, Marriage, Uncategorized

Tags : birthday gifts, birthdays, Brandon Graham, Earth Science, Happy Birthday

Ten Reasons I’ve Been MIA

By Jane · Comments (4)

Monday, April 11th, 2011

It’s been awhile since I’ve gone ten days without a blog post! For you hangers-on, here are ten reasons for my absence:

1. We went to Florida for Spring Break, and in some comically-timed [or divinely ordained] sequence of events, I was completely without internet! Don’t worry, the shaking stopped after a detoxing a few days here:

: Spring Break 2011

2. I was quite busy pretending to know how to fish:

3. Shell hunting with my daughter was a delightful priority:

4. …and of course our shells weren’t going to organize themselves!

5. I was with the people I love most at one of our most-loved places:

6. We were preoccupied with frozen confections and broad smiles:

7. My feet were intoxicated by the luxuriously warm water for hours on end:

8. I had a nightly cheerleading gig at low tide for my skim-boarding boys:

9. Watching wildlife is nearly a full-time job on the island:

: 3 wild manatees close enough for my son to touch! Right off our beach…

10. And really…who can think of computers with God on display like this?? Our nightly walk on the beach:

So what have you been up to? What small moments are you treasuring?

Comments (4)

Categories : Art/Beautiful Things, Family, Family Activities, Food, God, gratitude, Kids, Marriage, Motherhood/Mommy Duties, Nature/Outdoors, Play, Vacation

Tags : Florida, Recreation, Spring Break, Travel

Family Friday: I Don’t Homeschool, BUT…

By Jane · Comments (5)

Thursday, March 24th, 2011

I don’t officially homeschool our kids.

Sadly, my patience is usually gone after the PB & J hits the counter at lunchtime, and keeping the kids focused on anything longer than an hour generally requires some form of sugar or technology. Or Benedryl.

Ok, it’s not that bad, but you get the idea.

Still, I am passionate about infusing learning opportunities into everyday life and finding fun, meaningful things to do together.

So I guess you could say that I unofficially homeschool our kids.

One of the ways we’ve brought school into the everyday is to transform our kitchen wall into a learning center. We have four clocks representing the four time zones of the contiguous United States, labeled according to locations where friends live. Having these clocks in the midst of our busy traffic space allows us to see immediately what time it is in Washington or Chicago or Montana. It helps us judge the best time for phone calls and for figuring out if so-and-so is eating dinner.

We also took a cue from the beloved classic Sleepless in Seattle, and hung a US map below the clocks. This map is special in that it is laminated and came with red pins to indicate our family travels. It’s fun to return home from trips and get out the Vis-a-Vis marker to chart our paths together. Lord willing, I’m hoping this map will look like a spider web on steroids by the time our kids leave the nest!

We refer to our map every day when we read the news, hear of others’ vacations, or learn the attributes of other states. Our kids have a running list of places they’d like to visit, with our youngest declaring his goal to go to all fifty states!

My sister and friends who homeschool all tell me that it’s really “a way of life.” I get that. And you know what? Based on what God says in Deuteronomy 6, I actually think it’s his idea to weave teaching into your daily life.

If you agree, then I officially declare you an “unofficial” homeschooler.

Start in the kitchen. Benedryl optional.

~~~

What creative ways do you have for incorporating learning into your everyday life?

**Thank you to “Photography by Kamarah” for the lovely pictures! Look for her on Facebook.

On Jobs and Polished Nails

By Jane · Comments (3)

Monday, February 21st, 2011

I went to college at a time when I thought I had six job choices: nurse, lawyer, doctor, teacher, church-something-or-other, or the mysterious “business” person. It never occurred to me that there might be other fields outside the scope of my imagination that deserved consideration.

Shame.

As I’ve gotten older I’ve found myself in envious disbelief when I hear of people who dared to get a cool job–who dared to push themselves beyond the boundaries of the expected and the safe.

Packaging Engineer? Huh??

Traveling Journalist? Really?

Website designer?? Wait…we didn’t have websites then…

This year marks my ninth home with our children and the bittersweet end of this road is drawing close. My feelings surrounding this event are immense and varied, and best saved for another post. However, the prospect of working again is on the horizon, and that prospect is at once exhilarating, intimidating, thrilling, and a bit daunting.

Although I am so thankful for my training and experience as a teacher–and although I am glad to use what I learned as a parent-who-teaches–I’m standing at a fork in the road and am considering a left turn. Something unexpected. Something that might be considered “a bit of a stretch.” I think I’m finally ready to brave the unwritten pages of a new chapter rather than return to the classroom [insert many prayers here].

I’m considering things for this next chapter that I love, but acknowledge they probably won’t ever move beyond hobby and into a real money making “here’s-your-paycheck” type of job. That could pose a bit of a dilemma, but I’m not going to let pragmatics and potential problems stand in the way. I’m dreaming about the what-if’s and the why-not’s.

And I’ve decided. I want to work here:

Oh. my. It’s stunning, right?

Now, on to the practical: What kind of job, you ask?

Well…technically, I don’t know yet.

I just know that it’s going to require this laptop and some really gorgeous shoes. And I’m pretty sure I’m going to have to keep my nails polished so that I can page through lovely paper samples and examine stunning photographs without the embarrassment of a stray hangnail.

Sigh… Sounds dreamy, right?

Helping me along with the fantasy is Lavender & Lilies, who posted this box of eye candy last week, including the photo above.

Thanks for the dreams, L&L. I’ll be back for more.

Moms out there who are contemplating a return to work outside the home, how are you processing? What are your aspirations?

Family Friday: Compassion Project

By Jane · Comments (0)

Friday, February 11th, 2011

I don’t know about where you live, but the past few weeks have blasted West Michigan with painfully icy wind and record-breaking snowfall. I wish I could say that I’m loving it, but in truth, I’m counting the days until we can flee like frozen refugees for asylum on some non-specified Florida beach.

While our climate can seem oppressive, weeks like these do provide fodder for thought if you’re looking for matter to ponder. At our home, the relentless weather led to a meaningful conversation about the homeless in our community. Tucked safely in our cozy home like birds in a nest, we empathized and tried to comprehend life in their scuffed shoes. We imagined a cold night without restful sleep or a place to go, and decided that there had to be something we could do–however small–to show compassion.

We came up “The Compassion Project.” Sitting down together, the kids dictated a letter to our neighbors which I typed up. It started out:

“Dear Neighbors,

Have you ever imagined what it would be like if you lived in Michigan in the winter and were homeless? I bet it would be freezing.

Together as the Graham Family we are working to collect blankets you don’t need or care about that we could take to people who are homeless. We will deliver them to Mel Trotter…”

After dad made copies, we drove our little offspring around the neighborhood to deliver the letters and later in the week we collected the blankets. We were surprised and grateful to those who scouted out forgotten quilts, washed them, and had them ready when we came around in the suppertime darkness. At the end of the night, we had almost 30 blankets!

Tired but happy

Bagged up and ready for drop off

That weekend we delivered everything to Mel Trotter, a shelter in downtown Grand Rapids. While I wanted the kids to see the reality of life on the margins of society, more important to me was instilling in them the idea that showing love and concern for others doesn’t have to be a monumental undertaking. You don’t need a million dollars. You don’t have to know the president. You certainly don’t have to be a grown up!

Why not reach outside yourself today with the little ones that you love? Whether nieces or nephews, grandchildren, kids at church or school–or your own children–find a small act of compassion that you can do together. Love always brings a little extra sunshine to the winter snow!

Check back next week for another Family Friday idea…and be sure to share your own great ideas by leaving a comment below!

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Family Friday: Indoor Skeet Shooting

By Jane · Comments (7)

Friday, January 28th, 2011

I have to give major props to my husband for this one–it’s totally his brain and creativity that adds so much color and life to our home. What can I say–he has a PhD. I guess you have to be ~~crazy~~ … colorful to get to that point.

In fact, tonight on Modern Family, one of our favorite shows, Claire said to her son Luke, “Luke, don’t know it’s a rule that you can only have one fun parent?” That’s Brandon, friends. I’m “fun” in the “let’s have a teachable moment and do something nice for so-and-so” sense of the word. So if that’s fun, I’m hilarious.

At any rate, Brandon came up with this beauty over Christmas break when our Nerf arsenal was at an all-time high. Walking around like a chew-spittin’, saggy-pants-hikin’, told’ja-so cowboy, he proposed we needed a little indoor skeet shootin’.

Welcome to Kentucky.

This evening proved to be a lot of fun, and I think the take-away for me was just how easy it is to be inventive and creative with stuff you’ve got laying around the house anyway. In a nutshell, here was the night:

1. Dad goes to the second story with balloons

2. Dad drops balloons over the ledge [our 2-story foyer is open]

3. Kids armed with double-barrelled Nerf guns wait at the ready, aiming for the balloons.

4. Kid who makes contact with the most balloons wins [daughter who enjoys note-taking will keep score].

and of course, Mom and Mr. Fun give it a whirl, too…